Category Archives: All Ages

“Tasting Before Wasting Pizza” By Chad Robert Parker

Every week I came up with an activity when I mentored two thirteen year old boys who were living in foster care. It was a nice break for them and it was a fun way to serve for me. I blindfolded each boy with a tie. They grinned with anticipation. Both were sure they could tell the better tasting between a Dominoes $7.99 pizza and a $5 Hot and Ready Little Caesar’s pizza. It made me laugh when they acted like it would be embarrassing to choose the cheaper of the two. Honestly, either one is about the same to me.

We were in a hurry to eat because we were hungry or I would have staged it better. I placed a couple slices in front of each boy. They could tell by the crust which was which. That made me laugh, too, because neither likes crust and they don’t eat it anyway. I had plenty of pizza since those guys raced each other for the slices of the pricey pizza, but didn’t want more of the other. I told them they would like it just fine if it were the only option.

It all reminded me of taking them to the dollar theater to watch Disney’s Monster’s and Aliens and then to an all-you-can-eat pizza place. One of the boys saw a sign explaining a $1 extra charge for uneaten crusts. I teased him that I was going to make him foot that bill if his plate wasn’t clean. When I stepped away to get more food his crusts disappeared, rolled up in napkins, stuffed in his pockets and down his pants, and he excused himself to the bathroom where he discarded his smuggled crusts into the garbage can. It was quite funny, but you could say that thirteen year old boys just don’t always have good taste. I left the establishment a dollar in the tip jar and we went on our way.

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“Car Seat Campers” By Kirsten Baillargeon

We were traveling from North Carolina to South Dakota for a Family Reunion. Due to our lack of funds we needed to camp each night. The first stop at my brother’s house was for 2 nights. So far the trip had been uneventful. Then we headed across Indiana. We crossed into Missouri with the intent of camping near Whitman Air Force Base. We showered at the gym and headed back off base after stopping at the Commissary to shop for groceries. After cooking dinner at the State Park, right off base, we settled in our tent to sleep.

Alura our 3 year old Daughter began to cry. We tried to comfort her. Still she cried. Finally we put her back into the car into her car seat. She promptly went to sleep. This was repeated every night of our drive. Upon arriving at our campsite and meeting up with the rest of the family Alura met her older cousins and her youngest uncle. Alura slept just fine but only in their tent with them.

Upon returning home, once again every night we stopped, Alura would cry until she was returned to her car seat. She wanted her “Wawy,” “Anroo” or “Dedee” these three who she would sleep and camp for.

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“My Dragon ‘Frost Bite'” By Alura Baillargeon

In the cold frosty air, on one winter eve, there lived a small boy huddled under an opening to a cave. As the wind picked up, snow begun to swirl in flurries.

A full day had passed since I had arrived here and without the warmth of a fire I would probably have frozen a while back. Yet with no where to go, and no where I can go, if the frost don’t get me than starvation will. So unless someone finds me, I’ll slowly meet my doom. As I slowly wake from my sleeping stupor, I notice giant blue wings and a frost brownish copper body that had eyes as blue as the winter sky. As well as claws the size of a full grown man.

Then the creature spoke saying, “I am a mighty dragon called Frost Bite.” I heard in many legends about such creatures but never believed that I would see one in all my life. “Boy what is your name, and call me by mine for I am no creature. I told you my name , now use it,” she said.

That’s when I ask, “You can hear my thoughts?”

“Yes but only some boy, now your name?”

“It’s Mace, just that.” I said.

After that Frost Bite told me how I had magic in my veins, and how I could learn Dragon magic and from today on I’ll be taken care of by him, by a dragon. I know it sounds crazy yet I had no where to be or go so I live with this dragon called Frost Bite.

(This is a story I made up, pretending with my toy dragon, Frost Bite.).

 

(Story by permission of her mom).

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“Digging Like a Dog” By Evie Hammer

I had stitches on my forehead. They put a little paper over my face, but not over my eyes. I got to have a little prize when I was done.

I got the cut from a shovel. My sister, Bria, was digging with the shovel. I was digging like a dog. When I bent down to dig, while Bria was digging with the shovel, I hit my head on the shovel and cut it.

(Story by permission of her mom).

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“Forgettable Birthdays” By Athena Hammer

My boyfriend told us that his family would frequently forget his birthdays or special occasions. Once they even forgot to pick him up from the airport when he came home from study abroad in Japan. I didn’t really believe him that it could be that often or really such special occasions like a birthday. That all changed when we went to visit his family the week that his birthday fell on. He hadn’t seen his family for six months!

The morning of his birthday I wished him Happy Birthday first thing. We spent the day with his family. It was pretty uneventful. The funniest highlight was mailing a birthday card to his brother in Taiwan; his birthday was a few days later.

Shortly before we headed to bed his dad said, “Oh yeah, it’s your birthday today! Happy Birthday, Austin!”

No fears, when we got back to friends and college the next week we all threw him a surprise party and from then on we always believed his stories! That is still one of the most unforgettable birthdays for me!

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“Two Guys One Turkey” By Chad Robert Parker

My brother and I did Thanksgiving together last year. Yup, just two single guys. By the title you might be wondering which one of us was the turkey, but we actually went all out and had a full on turkey dinner. At this point in the story there are surely some who feel bad for us, thinking you would feel lonely in that situation, but I have fond memories of last year. We had a great time giving thanks!

Turns out my brother and I are decent cooks. We had mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, orange rolls, cranberry sauce, olives, pickles, pies, and I’m sure I’m missing something. Oh yes, the turkey. I was in charge of that. I had cooked up ham before and pot roast, but I had only ever helped with the turkey. I figured I knew the gist of cooking it. I never even thought I could buy the wrong turkey. No, it wasn’t a live turkey with feathers still on it, or a spoiled carcass or anything crazy like that. It was actually already cooked and then frozen again.

Turns out a pre-smoked turkey is really good and it only takes an hour’s baking to revive it to great succulent, steamy, peal-off-the-bone-meat. Yeah, it cost us a little bit more but it was a good meal. We had more than any two guys could want. I would do it again, that way, but I’m ready to enjoy a spectacular Thanksgiving with more family this year, including my wife from the Philippines. This will be her first experience with the Thanksgiving Day cooking adventure. We’re leaving the turkey to the experts. We’re bringing the pies! Happy Thanksgiving!!

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“Bouncing Off Trees,” By Chad Robert Parker

My family has lots of moments we wished we had on camera. We were constantly saying we needed something funny that happened on tape so we could send it in to America’s Funniest Home Videos. My favorite was when we had the missionaries serving in our church area over for Thanksgiving one year. Only that time we were recording everything from the boring meal time itself to the after dinner exercise.

We got some footage of bouncing each other on the trampoline but the real fun begun somewhat unexpectedly with our 35 foot rope swing. My brothers and I had become expert at jumping off stumps, wrapping around trees, raising our feet up on the side of the tree, and swinging back around toward the original launch point. We gave the missionaries a try.

“Get your feet up! Get your feet up!” We warned. Without fail, three different missionaries slammed up against the tree, wound up in between the rope and the tree, and then waited for it to uncoil and release them. The awkward position would inevitably loose their grip and send them sliding down the trunk to the ground writhing in pain.

It was definitely the kind of slapstick humor that needed to be on AFV but we never sent it in.

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“No Movie is Worse than…” By Chad Robert Parker

The voice of the comic book guy on the Simpsons is swirling through my head, saying “Worst movie ever!” Usually if you ask me my opinion on what is my favorite this or what is the worst that, it might be a toss up, but not in this case. One movie stands out all on its own, “High Strung,” from 1991.

It may be one of those moments when you have to be there to really understand how bad it is. You might even feel tempted now to watch this movie. Don’t! Take my word for it. You know what it is like to keep watching something because you figure it just has to get better. It doesn’t! As I sat there watching this irritable guy complaining to the camera about anything and everything in the narrow scope of this film, including a fly flying around the room, I realized there was more entertainment in the boring room around me than was contained in the film. I lay there watching my brothers raised eyebrows and my mom asking us what the movie was about in between busying herself preparing food. We couldn’t even explain what the movie was about except to say he, the only person we had seen on screen, was waiting for something to happen at 8 o’clock. The plot is so lackluster that I can’t even explain to my friends just how far and away it is the worst movie I have ever sat through. Hint: Fast forward to the end. Something finally happens but its not worth waiting for in real time.

There is at least the disclaimer of a small budget, but this film is also the reason I can’t sit through most independent films unless they show early and often that they are different. Strangely enough Jim Carrey has a small role in “High Strung” in his early career. If I were him I would find all copies of this movie and destroy them out of existence. But hey, at least it gives this movie critic a definitive example of the worst movie I know of.

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“Freeze ’em out” By Chad Robert Parker

The prank I remember most as a kid was when my oldest brother rolled up the biggest snowball he could carry to my dad’s hot tub. My dad proclaimed that he wouldn’t dare. My brother says he didn’t intend to dump it into the tub at all, but between chuckling, my dad startling him, and gravity’s effect on the slippery ball of coldness it splashed in, created a wave, and left both my dad and my brother’s jaws on the floor. My brother ran for his life and my dad locked all of the doors, freezing him out in the cold hours of the night.

We grew up knowing that my dad did not like to be the butt of practical jokes. We also didn’t test others in the household much either, as it usually was taken as a show of disrespect. In college I discovered that others saw it quite the opposite, like more of a sign of respect, even interest, or love.

Some girls in a neighboring apartment complex played the best prank on us one time, when they packed our front door with snow in the middle of the night. They even had a good start on our back entry-way before we caught on. Whether it be a classic piece of cold ice down the back or having your car plowed in, ice sure can be just the trick to inconvenience anyone, enemy or friend.

My brothers and I took a lesson from our youth. We realized that we could go back and forth all year long trying to best each other or we could prank our pranksters by not pranking them at all. That’s the funny thing about pranking. You can stop someone in their tracks without even going through all of the hassle and effort of literally freezing them out. The mere threat of danger is often worse than the prank itself, and we made sure to mention every possible prank the girls could expect might be waiting for them at their door, or otherwise, on any given day. It was fun holding that proverbial bucket of water over their heads.

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“Haunted Asylum” By Chad Robert Parker

My first year in college I went to a haunted house that was closed down the next year for questions of safety. You see it was held on the grounds of the mental hospital and some of the patients were involved in participating as ghouls, ghosts, and spooks of all kinds. I remember it being much like any other haunted house where they were not allowed to actually touch you, but I also remember feeling some concern that the one with the chainsaw (even without it having a chain on) might be mentally ill rather than a staff member.

I was a freshman and my roommates were all upperclassmen. Good thing we brought a few girls to scream and hide or the attention of these masqueraders would have surely been directed on me. As it was I rather enjoyed watching the girls run from these certifiably insane people. I’m not sure what the political correct term is when you are being chased like that. My friend chose to yell, “get these crazies away from me,” which only seemed to increase their fervor. I wouldn’t say it was a traumatic event, but the event achieved its motive of terrifying the crowd. I wondered how many other instances like this occurred. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one. Your mind runs wild when you think of what frightening behavior people might be capable of.

Like I said, they closed the draw down the next year. Yeah, I for one was disappointed I couldn’t go again. I heard they might open it up, again.

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